So, I had something planned. It was on the calendar. It looked cool. I wanted to do it. As far as I know it hadn’t been cancelled, but I just couldn’t make myself go. My body decided to go completely kaput. And it didn’t help that said cool activity was being held in Downtown LA, at 5pm, on a Friday, on Valentine’s Day.
Yeah…. after my last encounter with rush hour traffic. I. Just. Couldn’t. Do. It.
Such is life living inside my skin.
So… what to do, what to do. I’d really hate to break my little streak here. And, I’m starting to run out of new and easily obtainable food I’m willing to try. So, I decided to do something a little bit shameful: I decided to play an MMORPG for the first time.
Yes, I know. Let us all bow our heads down in honor of my shame. My desperation is showing.
After scouring many lists upon lists of “top games”, trying to pick something that I might actually enjoy, and that I think wouldn’t choke my aging computer… I settled on something called Fallen Earth.
It’s a post-apocalyptic wasteland-game surrounding the nuclear and biochemical destruction of the Earth. Naturally perfect for Valentine’s Day. Now, don’t quote me on this, but technically I believe this is considered an MMO, and not an MMORPG…. but I’m not prepared to go down that rabbit hole of computer nerddom just quite yet. Close enough. Deal with it.
But, wait! There’s more! What, pray tell, would make all this gaming even better?
An entire plate of homemade, red velvet cupcakes. Cream cheese frosting and all.
You’re seeing the theme, yes?
Yeah, well, it gets better.
After spending a bit of time setting up the game – you have to wait for it to download and apply the latest updates – I got to finally log in and start designing my character. I’m more than a little sad at how much time I spent carefully crafting my beautiful little facade.
Nope. No issues here. No siree!
And then once I got started in the actual gameplay, I come to find out that my character is actually a clone, specifically grown/designed/created to be used for organ harvesting.
Like…. my heart? Someone wants to harvest my heart?
Excuse me while I go stuff down my tears with a plate of sugar.
Yes, I know. Enough about me, what about the game? Well, just about any gamer will tell you that playing for a couple hours isn’t really going to get you very far. And true enough, I didn’t manage to get to the point where I could actually experience the “multiplayer” aspect of it. I got to run down a couple hallways and axe a few dudes before getting my own self killed, which was admittedly rather fun. But I suspect that down the line there’s some sort of cooperative effort involved? You can’t tell me that I joined a game involving other people… who don’t interact at all, did I?
What the hell, Universe! We had a good thing going for a couple of weeks, and this is the thanks I get? A big fat existential reminder about how, no matter what, we’re all really alone in the world?
Happy Valentine’s Day, you big jerk. I hope you had a good time.
See you next week?
Lesson of the day: No one can understand you over your cupcake-filled sobs. Switch to pie as soon as possible.